losing

it seems to me that in marriage, winning is really losing.  every time I win a disagreement, I'm really losing more and more of myself.  maybe its a rouanzoin curse? I know my brothers have it.  it's a personality thing.  my sore.  my thorn.  i have a need to be right.

a need to be right is built on a a fear of being wrong.

why is being wrong so bad?

I don't have the answer.  I only have the remnants of a victorious loss.   one that took place recently.  (Of course I'm writing this 2 minutes away from a Sunday 12am before my long day at "work.")

looking at the model for marriage in Scripture, I would find a clever "Gospel" illustration of how Jesus lived, served and died for the church and in this illustration I am instructed to do the same.  I try.  But, its hard.  Seriously.  I try but mess it up often.  I'm a full time pastor at a church and I mess it up all the time.  But, I try.  I try because I know that winning is really losing.  I try because I know that what ever "model" I've been shown in life has not been the model that's working in life.  But, the model that's been given in Scripture, the ultimate reality, is true.  Not because I take whatever the Bible says and believe it to be true without thought, but rather I believe what it says because of the practical solution.  It actually makes sense to me where I am at.  I win an argument, but what did I really win?  Was it worth it?

marriage is not a game. It's life.  life is not worth winning, it's worth losing.  "if you lose your life, you will really gain it."  again, according to the words of a 2000 year old rabbi, something finally makes sense.

  If I lose as a Husband, I gain a spotless bride.


Lord, will you help me?  Help my married friends.  Help us live this out.  Help me lose.